We live our lives in need of a clear view of what is ahead. A clearly delineated path by which we can organise our lives, plan for contingencies, and eliminate variables. We believe that life is something which we can control, that there is a formula to be followed. Thus, we direct all our efforts towards securing a future outcome, and in turn, we neglect the present moment. This is the grand narrative that defines our actions; follow the path and the outcome of this life is in our control. Any challenge to this grand narrative causes our hopes to plummet, as we have nothing in the present to ground us. The path we direct all our efforts to following splinters off into multiple trails, some shrouded by fog, others leading us directly towards the edge where collapse is inevitable. Our vision of a clear path directing us, withers away.
By now, we are forced to accept that we cannot control the outcome, and we must digress, having no cognisance of how to do so independently. We believed orthodoxy would be rewarded, that the path would remain smooth, but the fragmenting trails appear to meander endlessly in varying directions, with fog obscuring our view. There is no obvious path on which we can continue to rely and we must, on short notice, entirely reframe the values, judgements, and beliefs by which we navigate the world. In accepting this cruel reality, we are confronted with the futility of our past conformity to the grand narrative, thereby giving way to existential beliefs of life as suffering, and existence as meaningless. It is precisely this state of existence that predisposes us to feelings of despair.
A despairing mind often descends into nihilistic and pessimistic patterns, believing that lack of existence is better than any existence at all. Such an outlook differs from depressive perspectives, in that, we may not necessarily endure an absence of all positive emotions, but relief is sought from all aspects of life. The appeal of nothingness is cosmic. We find ourselves eyeing the trail leading us towards the edge. We are tempted to choose the finality of nothing, over the precariousness of the fog. But our despair is paradoxical. We do want to live – we want to see the world, we want to love. For all we know, that may lie beyond the fog.
The statement that life is unpredictable is a truism, yet it has been dismissed and trivialised by most of us. We must give respect to that truism, and accept that life is not meant to be based on a grand narrative.
Live not knowing what lies ahead. To live presently, you must bear the fog.